Mommy: Your attitude sticks.
Phoenix: No Mommy, that's because I just went poop.

Also, the other day, Phoenix came out of the bathroom very excited and told my mom and I that his poop was green. He was thrilled because green is his favorite color!

I may see the 130's on the scale tomorrow but we'll see.

I did my first two mile jog tonight and actually jogged the entire time! I was supposed to do one night before last also but I ate chili cheese fries for dinner at a baseball game and, let me tell you, chili cheese fries followed by running is a recipe for throwing up.

My current craft is matching mother-daughter sun dresses. I've made decent progress but have hit a few snags. Aleece is coming over tomorrow and we are going to work on a few patterns that she bought.

...and so it begins.

I've only seen a few dragonflies this year, but then, for the last 3 days there have been several hanging outside our house. I feel like she's been here with me and supporting me because July is here.

I. hate. July.

As much fun at the sun and the summer is, and I can enjoy it, the memories and anniversaries pull me back. Obviously, the last week or so of July is the worse but the entire month just feels like a countdown to the inevitable - Janell's 5th birthday.

You see the infomercials - drop a dress size in 6 weeks, lose up to 30lbs in a month, eat all you want and still lose weight. There is a tremendous flaw with all of this - the long term accomplishes nothing. I am not a diet guru but I do know that most diets teach you nothing. Take Jenny Craig for example.

Jenny Craig works, and it works well. If you follow the plan accordingly, you will lose a ton of weigh - will you keep it off though... nope. The reason is because Jenny Craig (and about 90% of commercial diets) teach bad habits. They have you running for your freezer and microwave and are not teaching you how to feed yourself.

If you go to the doctor and ask, "What is the best way to lose weight?" A doctor won't tell you to call up NutraSystem or Atkins, he'll tell you to decrease your calorie count - plain and simple.

This diet has opened my eyes to how poorly I was eating before, and how poorly most Americans eat. I remember there would be weeks in a row where I would only be eating take-out. Sure, I got salads all the time but even salads from take-out places are upwards of 1,000 calories. One salad could be half of what your body needs to maintain weight!

The average person should be eating 5 "meals" per day. Each "meal" should be, on average, 200 to 400 calories with an optional snack at the end of the evening (something until 100 calories). Now tell me where, at any normal take-out, fast food or sit-down dining place you can find a meal for 200-400 calories? It's nearly impossible.

I hate it, I really don't think it's any fun but counting calories is the very best way to lose weight. I think Weight Watchers does a pretty good job with this, though counting calories is something anyone can do without need for points or conversions. The best thing is that it gets easier with time. The more you count calories, the more you learn.

I am not all high and mighty about diets. I don't think everyone needs to go on a diet, even if they are considered overweight, I just think I've learned my lesson with the gimmicks and the fad diets. And, like I said, my eyes are now open to what I should and shouldn't be consuming.

One month on this diet and I've lost 10lbs. Sure, it's sort of a slow weight loss, but it is weight I will keep off. I've also been doing the Couch to 5K program, and I'm running about a mile a day. Everyday that goes by, I feel better and better. I am starting to really love running and the feeling I get from it afterwards. Soon, I'll be able to fit in some of my clothes again and then I will do a little happy dance!

I can't believe I have kept this same LiveJournal for six years! There are a lot of parts of LJ I don't like (like the huge lack of features) but I have been here so long! I've been keeping this journal longer than I've known Ethan! Sure, there were times where I didn't post much (actually, most of 2003 and 2004) but since then, I try to post actively. I've always believed that this is my journal and that anyone reading it is glimpsing in at my life, therefore, if and when people are upset by what I write... then they don't have to read - it's that simple. Recently, I've started making my journal all public. I used to be very select on who I wanted reading this, all entries were Friends-Only and I cut friends often who weren't active in communicating. Now, I feel like this is who I am and people can read if they'd like. Sure, I LOVE comments but not everyone is ready to step out and speak up. Today, in honor of my blogaversary, I have made all back entries public. So, happy reading.

I'd love to see some comments (even just a "hi") today from everyone who reads this. It would be great to know there are people out there who are still reading. I will pick one commenter at random to be the recipient of my blogaversary giveaway! So, leave a comment (and don't forget your name and email address, webpage, facebook or blog link - some way to contact you if you win)!

Just some fun facts:

961 blog posts (one every other day on average)

First post: First

2,729 blog comments

First comment: the_clouds on ???

Top commenters:
523 from Maggie caramaea
273 from Jessica neokitty
247 from Rachael gotrae
122 from Jen scribegirl
100 from Brittnay br0k3n_smiles

Most commented-on posts:
Nov. 18th, 2005 (22 comments)
ultrasound (20 comments)
Apr. 2nd, 2007 (19 comments)
Janell's pictures and stuff. (17 comments)
May. 6th, 2006 (17 comments)

Yesterday was great. We exchanged gifts in the morning. I got Ethan a wooden Lazy Susan.We have an inside joke about a Lazy Susan (or Crazy Adams) so it's really a perfect gift. Ethan got me a whole bag full of Burt's Bees products. I'm allergic to about 99% of bath and beauty products and Burt's Bees is not only one I can use, but that I LOVE. It's just so expensive. So, now I have a bunch of stuff and my skin is soft and my hair is shinny. I love it!

Later in the day Ethan and I went to EMP (its a music museum in Seattle). While I am into music, there was not much there for us. We aren't big fans of a lot of the Seattle music displayed but we enjoyed looking at the memorabilia. Last time I was there is when it was all brand new and my favorite part was the music room where you could play the guitar, drums, keyboard or sing in sound-proof rooms with lessons. However, this time, it all seemed really scaled down. It was definitely for beginners in the music world and a lot of the stuff was not working. We aren't professional musicians or anything but it was still really basic to us.

Fortunately, the EMP is also part of the SciFi Museum. Maybe some of you don't know but I am verging on full-fledged Trekkie. I love Star Trek, especially Next Generation. The SciFi museum had tons of memorabilia from SciFi movies,TV shows and books. It was pretty rad. Not only that, there was a traveling Jim Henson exhibit going on also. It was really neat to see the storyboards of how he came to his ideas. Did you know Oscar the Grouch was originally drawn purple and on the first Sesame Street episode he was orange?

After the museums we headed over to the water for a nice dinner at the Palisades. Our waiter was about our age and told us he had just celebrated his one month anniversary with his wife. "How long have you been married?" he asked. When we told him it was for our 5th anniversary he looked like he was in shock for a moment! We talked briefly about kids and I think he walked away with different perspective. Being only 26 on your 5th anniversary is kind of rare now-a-days. Our food was great and dessert was heavenly.

The best part of the whole evening was our conversations though. One thing that I've always loved about Ethan was how much we talk. Now, if you've ever met Ethan you are probably pretty confused because Ethan doesn't talk much to anyone. But, with me, he talks a ton. We have the best conversations and, even in the beginning, we never had a time where we were searching for conversation. We talked about a huge array of topics and it was great.

Overall, a wonderful anniversary!

I submitted what I wrote to the Share newsletter and it was accepted. I've also been invited to become a regular contributor on the Share blog. I'm pretty excited. It's like my first writing gig. :)

I keep forgetting to write that Scarlett got her top left incisor about 2 weeks ago. The right one should pop through any day but no sign of the bottom ones. She's still 6 teeth short of a full mouth.

Phoenix has his ECE end of year celebration tomorrow. The whole family gets to go and see him and his class sing. I'll take video. I'm super excited. I bet it'll be so cute. But, ugh, what are we going to do all summer?

Day 15 of dieting is done. We've started our workout plan (my goal is to run a 5K on Sept 19th). And, I've only slipped up once (last night) and even then I only went 120 calories over budget so not too bad. Today I did great and drank a ton of water so that's wonderful. Clothes are all still tight but, in about 2 weeks, there I should start seeing a difference. We've been using the iPhone app "Lose It" and it's been great. It really helps.

I wrote a wonderful piece for a local bereavement newsletter in honor of Janell's 5th birthday. I have to say, I think I did pretty good, but I do have my own writing style so it's hard to say how others will feel about it. I'll probably post it just before her birthday.

Ethan and my 5th anniversary is Friday and we are going to EMP (it's a music museum in Seattle) and then we are having dinner at Palisades. It should be nice. I got him a freakin' awesome gift. I can't wait for him to open it, I think he'll get a kick out of it. All I'm going to say is, keep in mind that I always get the traditional anniversary gifts:

1st anniversary - paper - tickets to a Mariners game (with our names on the big screen)
2nd - cotton - an Oasis t-shirt from the UK
3rd - leather - a leather carrying case for his laptop and a matching wallet
4th - fruit and flowers - a huge edible bouquet delivered to his work
5th - wood - ???

For Father's Day we are going to my parents for brunch and then to the Mariners game with Ethan's parents. The kids and I got Ethan some pretty nice stuff, that he'll use and appreciate but it's not as good as his anniversary gift. :)

At 21 months, Scarlett is 23.8 lbs, and that is at the 24th percentile for weight. And, she is 32", and that is also the 24th percentile for height.

At 3 years and 9 months, Phoenix is 32.6 lbs, and that is the 28th percentile for weight. And, he's 37¾", which is the 11th percentile for height.

I have lost just over 7lbs and can now fit back into one of my larger pairs of pants! Yay! I have about 15 pairs of pants in various sizes (sizes 12 to 6 mainly) and I can now comfortably fit into 3 of those pairs!

I just read the blog of one of my friends. He husband deployed nearly 2 months ago and I do feel awful for her. But the way she talks about it is like he died. It makes me want to scream and cry and hit stuff. I miss Janell so bad. She's counting down the days since they've been apart and it's so hard on her that they rarely get to talk. I know that would be hard, I know it must be awful. But I've been counting down the years since I was last with Janell and I don't ever get to hear from her. And there is no chance I will see her again - until I die that is. There is a large chance she will see her husband again. Yes, there is a risk but she hasn't lost him. I just wish she could see how different it is.

Four years, ten months, one week and five days ago...
more days than I'd like to consider.

I haven't updated in several days but, with how much has been going on, you'd think it was much longer.

On Friday, Phoenix's school had a field day for all the ECE (Early Childhood Education ie Developmental Preschool) Programs in his district. There were probably about 200 kids, parents, teachers and helpers there. It was a lot of fun (although hot). We were outside that the helpers and teachers had set up 16 different fun kids activities. Each class spent 5 minutes at each and we rotated. Phoenix had a blast but was really tired by the end. 16 different activities is a lot for anyone! I'm sure he felt like he was at some fair or something. After the activities, we all got school lunches. We had a great time and I can't wait to go next year. Although, I'll remember to put on sunscreen (I remembered to do Phoenix and Ethan but not me).

This weekend was spent at my mom and dad's house since they not only have A/C but also a kiddy pool and an in-ground pool. Phoenix has always been pretty afraid of the big pool. He does not like swimming, it makes him nervous. Until Sunday that is! Phoenix actually jumped off the edge of the pool to Ethan and me AND swam by himself (wearing a life-vest)!!! It was freakin' amazing. I know these things (like jumping in) seem like cake for some kids but this was HUGE for Phoenix and us! I was teary watching him and we were all cheering him on. I got some of it on video so I'll have to post it on youtube.

On Monday I had my first allergy appt. I am highly allergic to regional trees and grasses, and also to weeds and dust mites. Like I didn't already know that. The main reason I went is because I have pretty severe contact allergies but I'm not sure what they are too. So I have to wear this giant sticker on my back with 29 different common contact allergens on it. It freakin' itches but I'm not sure if it's from the allergies or the tape. I have to wear it until Friday. I hope I react to something because I'm ready to be done with allergies.

Ethan and I started our diet and so far so good. It'll probably take a good week to get in the swing of things though. We are cooking all our own foods so that is a little hard to get used to. There is no sugar, wheat, salt, oil, or dairy anywhere in the diet so we are using a lot of pepper and herbs to cook with. It's pretty interesting and we're learning a lot. We'll see how we do. We are pretty dedicated and I hope we can stay that way. We aren't even really focusing on weight though since we are working out and building muscle too, instead we are focusing on how our clothes fit. We both have a pair of pants that are our goals to fit into. Mine don't even have a size since they were custom tailored but I can tell you that I don't think I could even pull them up past my knees at this point. I know a lot of you have made comments about how I don't need to lose weight. I'm not considered to be "over-weight" but in about 3lbs I would be. I carry it different and hide it well. The weight I am trying to lose is baby weight. I want to be the size I was before I got pregnant with Scarlett. It's been nearly 2 years since she was born so I feel it's time.

Ethan and my 5th anniversary is coming up in about 2 weeks. We have no plans really but I'm sure we'll do something. I'd love to save up some money and go to Cannon Beach this summer but I don't know how feasible that is.

I better go. I want to watch an episode of House and then get going on the wedding invitations I've been making.

Charity Auctions

Charity auctions are a great place to get deals on various items, think ebay but with only local items and fewer people to bid against. Recently, my husband and I went to a charity auction and won a children's museum package valued at over $300. We paid just $60 for it and got passes to all the museums in the Seattle area. Now our summer is filled with free (or nearly free) events for the whole family. Sometime though, the cost of a ticket is more than you can afford. In this case, call the hosting organization and ask if they need any volunteers at the event and if volunteers get free admission. So, not only do you have the possibility of a free meal and night out, and maybe some great deals, but you are also helping out the community by supporting local charities. Keep this in mind next time you get an invitation to a benefit auction.

I accidentally sprayed sunscreen/tanning oil in my eye. It doesn't hurt but it feels like it does if you scratched your eye. It's super uncomfortable and is watering like crazy.

We are going camping tomorrow. We were going tonight but all our friends said they were going up tomorrow so we changed our plans. But, surprise! They already left and no one told us. Zoë called from the car to ask when we were leaving. We can't leave now because the kids are in bed and we haven't packed. Ugh.

I am going to try to lose a bunch of weight. I am really serious about it and I am going to stick to it. I stepped on the scale yesterday and it was not a number I have ever wanted to see. I can't believe how much weight I have gained since September. I can't do this to my body. I am at such high risk for diabetes and heart disease. So, I'm starting next week and I have a goal I'm working toward but it's not a number, it's a dress, well, three.



But I'm only getting these if I can actually fit into them (I'm telling you now, there is no way I'm filling in even a large from that store).

I got a 3.7 (A-) in my course at university. I got a 95% on my final! Yay! I'm not sure what my GPA is now - I think around a 3.11.

Phoenix will be returning to the the dev preschool next year. Sort of bitter-sweet. It's great for him, he learns a ton, and it's free but it means that he still has things he needs to work on.

I got the kids playroom and the pantry done, I'm just about to go and finish the kitchen, then I'm going to tackle the master bathroom.

Just some things I want to record so I don't forget...

The last movie I saw while Janell was alive was "The Day After Tomorrow." She loved it because of all the base. Ethan was worried the intensity would put me into labor.

When I was still able to drive, I used to blast the Avril Lavigne CD in my car. Janell bumped around a ton. I'll always associate that CD with her.

Today, for Mother's Day, we went to the plant nursery like we do every year. This year we went to a new place though, with my parents. I got some beautiful pots to transplant Janell's garden in. I couldn't believe the prices. They are just gorgeous too. I'm thrilled. I also got a little pot to put lettuce in.

After that we went to my parents and had BLT's, yum. Now we are home packing and preparing for our move. Tonight is our last night in this house. It's pretty bitter-sweet.

Four years ago Mother's Day was the last time I saw my cousin Angie. I miss her so much.

I'm done with the 2008-2009 school year. I'm taking the whole summer off! I can't wait to get to some great crafts and sewing!

We are moving on Monday. I'll try to take pictures of the house if I can find the camera.

The fundraiser last weekend went splendid but we still have a lot of work to do. Ethan won a family photography session and a Children's Museum package. I'm thrilled about it!

I've been very baby hungry lately, maybe it's because a ton of people I know are getting pregnant, maybe it's because Scarlett is growing up... but I know I want another baby, not today, but I want another baby. I've been wondering about surrogacy but I've always really not liked the idea... but I don't know. Maybe that would be our answer? I just want one more... our only other option would be domestic adoption. We could get pregnant via IVF or tubal reversal but I'm not sure if my body could really, honestly handle being pregnant again.

Mother's Day on Sunday, I'm hoping to get some good gardening stuff.

Phoenix has been playing the "Traffic Jam Jr." game. He's amazing at it. It's for 6-8 year olds. Also, he drew a school bus with people in it and the people were stick figures which I believe is like a 7 year old skill.

Okay, gotta go pack and eat lunch.

Back in the days before I was a wife and mom, I used to write songs with a guy named Tim Cady. He was a wonderful musician. Our voices sounded perfect together in harmony and he played the piano and guitar. It was pretty cool. I was just looking for something on my computer and I found our songs. He wrote most of the lyrics but there are a couple I wrote too so I thought I'd post them. We made a demo tape once but this girl at the radio station I worked at borrowed it and never gave it back... :(

Faster
“detox. song”

sunsets breed solitude / desperate and alone
sit in this corner by myself / i know i can’t do this on my own

time has been wasted / fantasies created
put you under lock and key / forced to stay away from me

put away my insecurities / forced myself to all capacity
found a place for me to hide / found myself right by your side

and now i’m lost without you / fell down with no one to cling too
addiction set it / how could i ever let this begin

floating upon dreams / it didn’t seem that bad
don’t know what it means / memories of laughter and moonlight



diddle-en-den diddle-en-den
“the forgot-abouts”

can’t forget the first time i saw you / quiet dark and alone
i tried to save you / but you were searching for something to call your own

i wanted to take you in / feel your breath against my skin
wrap myself inside your warmth / and satisfy your broken heart

‘cause you and me are the forgot-abouts
living breathing surviving on our own self-doubt
of hopelessness and solitude

i want to mend every heart ache / challenge every misery
follow every well placed scar / ‘til everyone leads to me

transition / filler

‘cause you and me are the forgot-abouts
living breathing surviving on our own self-doubt
of hopelessness and solitude

so i write this with tears welling in my eyes / i’m holding back painful cries
of a devotion / a secret longing

and i know it all has come too late / but i need the change
and my mind finally woke-up today

break

‘cause you and me are the forgot-abouts
living breathing surviving on our own self-doubt
of hopelessness and solitude

i want to mend every heart ache / challenge every misery
follow every well placed scar / ‘til everyone leads to me


who am i

chorus:
i promised you forever but now i’m scared at how long that’ll be
will you still be hear tomorrow will i still be me

and i was so scared of loosing you that i forgot about myself and that was lost so long ago
and now i’m left here wondering unhappy and alone i’ll never forget a thing

chorus

and i saw you for who you are before i recognized your face before i ever took the blame
and how you claimed to care for me so indecently without speaking my name

chorus

break

chorus


I thought I had the above one on video but it's a different one...

Really bad quality though...